I’m back! And not a moment too soon

It’s Week 6 and you know what that means–the Patriots are heading out to Indy to take on the Sore Losers Colts at Lucas Oil Stadium in Sunday Night Football.

But before I begin to describe just how much I cannot wait for this game to go down, let me address the elephant–yes I’ve been gone the whole playoffs, Patriots Superbowl victory, offseason, and weeks 1-5 of the new season.  No blog posts since January 3rd, I get it.

All I have to say for myself is that I, well, had a baby, but in addition to that I, like every other New England resident, fan or not, was treated to a months-long, merciless, unending pounding of all manner of garbage and blah-blah-blah about some deflated footballs, and I just…couldn’t.  I had nothing to say that wasn’t already being said, and had no real desire to needlessly add to the pile.

Well, here we are in October, and the “-gate” that shall not be named is over (except not really), yet still crops back up with annoying frequency.  Take this latest piece of drivel, for example:

Is this real life?

No, seriously.  Is it?  Dear Colts fans, I fucking dare you.  Go ahead and fly your little blimp.  That’s right, keep poking the bear.  Tom Brady was already preparing to ruin your team this weekend, but now his agenda will also include ruining each and every one of you and everyone and everything you hold dear.  Hide yo kids,  hide yo wife.

Of course, this is assuming that the Colts can/will actually play with their shitty broken roof open so that your fun little gag can actually go over.  Good luck with that one.

I kind of hope that the Pats re-sign Jonas Gray for one week, or, better yet, bring in Trent Richardson for just this game, send him into the endzone 5 or 6 times, then release him on Monday.

Really, though, I don’t care how they do it.  I just want to watch them run up the score with no regard whatsoever for good manners or sportsmanship.  I want it to be so silent in that stadium that even the piped-in crowd noise can’t disguise how much dejection and life choice questioning is going on in the stands.  And when the 60 minutes are up, I want to hear the sweet sound of Brady and Belichick creating a cacophany of evil villain laughter that will echo and rebound endlessly off of that stupid closed roof.

Bring it, Week 6.

Finally – Wild Card Weekend is here!

Well, I took a bit of a hiatus to lick my wounds after losing my fantasy football championship game in stunning fashion.  I could have started my frickin’ cat at QB and come away with the same amount of points.

I’m over it though.  I mean, how could anyone stay mad at this face?

Right?

Anyway, I’m back, it’s 2015, and the best TV weekend of the year kicks off in Charlotte this afternoon!

With only four days left until my due date, this may also be the last weekend for 20 or more years that I get to just kick back and watch football with my husband, just the two of us.  Though there’s still no sign of baby, we’ve been saying since May that this kid has been a confident Pats fan since conception, being due during the bye week, and I’m so thrilled that that has come true!

I also plan to take full advantage of my last days as a giant pregnant lady and shamelessly eat all.the.food. that crosses my path while watching these games.

But moving on to the important stuff: my picks.  I’m going with all four home teams.  Maybe it sounds like a cop out or a noob move, but home field advantage actually has very little to do with why I’m picking these four.

In the NFC:
Despite their shitty record, the Panthers have been on a roll, while the Cards have been…the opposite.  I mean, at one point my husband was trying to decide if he should hop a plan to Arizona to see if he could be next in line to play QB for them.  Hell, they might even be willing to let the aforementioned cat take a few snaps.  Would I be shocked if the Cardinals won?  No, but I think the odds are against them.  It’s a shame because I strongly dislike the Panthers (mostly because I can’t stand Cam Newton’s arrogant ass) and would love to see the boys in red pull this one out.  I don’t think either of these teams is NFC championship bound regardless so I’m not going to cry over it if I’m wrong or anything.

Like the Panthers, the Cowboys too have been on a roll, and overall I think may just be a better team than the Lions.  It’s weird, because on paper the Lions have all the tickets and many standout players.  What it comes down to is that I have very little confidence in Matthew Stafford’s ability to put in 60 quality minutes.  He gets flustered too easily and makes costly mistakes.  Romo can have similar tendencies at times, but he is older and wiser and I think less likely to flounder during this game.

In the AFC:
The winner of Ravens vs. Steelers is the one I’m least sure about, particularly now that Le’veon Bell is sidelined.  So I guess for this one, I’m picking with my heart and hoping to GOD that the Steelers win because there is no team that I loathe more than the Ravens, and frankly I fear them coming to Foxborough.  In the last 5 years they have been here 3 times for the playoffs, won 2 of those games, and only lost the third one by an unfortunately-timed display of mediocrity by Billy “Wide Left” Cundiff.

Thus, I would very much appreciate it if the Steelers could simply take care of business and send the evil birds back to shitty Baltimore where they belong.

The Bengals-Colts game is equally as likely to be awesome as it is to be a blowout.  These teams are like some sort of warped inverse of each other.  The Colts lack the weapons as well as the synergy necessary to go all the way this year, but at the helm they have Andrew Luck, who has proven that he has the skill and derring-do to pull off spectacular wins from behind.  Meanwhile, the Bengals have some damn good players, but they are completely handcuffed by Andy Dalton and his inability to step up in important or primetime matchups.  It’s a little sad because I like Dalton, but he’s such a chronically predictable choke artist that I can’t see the Bengals being able to walk away from this with a win.  Bottom line: It’ll be fine by me, assuming the Ravens do their job and lose, if either of these teams comes to Foxborough next weekend.

The playoffs are here–enjoy!!!

Week 15 – Miami at New England

With kickoff just two hours away, I’m getting myself psyched up for the second matchup between the Patriots and Dolphins this season.  The first, back in Week 1, was a bit of what the French call a disaster.

What sticks in my mind most clearly is feeling pretty good about the Pats’ 20-10 lead at the end of the first half.  And then…

I don’t know what happened at halftime, whether there was a swamp gas leak into the visitors’ locker room or what, but what I do know is that all of a sudden in the second half the Pats had forgotten how to both throw and catch the football, as well as how to play any manner of defense.  The Dolphins rammed 23 unanswered points down their throats, and just like that, the Patriots were 0-1.

Now, fast-forward to Week 15, and the Patriots are 10-3 while the Dolphins are 7-6.  I haven’t forgotten, however, the absolutely stunning 37-0 shutout Miami dealt to San Diego in Week 9, or how close they came to actually beating Green Bay in Week 6.

Do I think the Patriots are better than the Dolphins?  No question.  But Miami is not to be taken lightly nor underestimated.  And I have no doubt in my mind that the Patriots know this damn well, and will be impeccably prepared for today’s matchup on their home turf.  I can’t wait to watch this one.

NFL Week 15 Kickoff

In a few short hours, Week 15 will commence in St. Louis where, according to the NFL Network, “Larry Fitzgerald and the first place Cardinals take on…the Rams.”  The Rams are just that good at defying description, I guess.

I’m looking forward to passively watching this one while I simultaneously take care of some actual work (yes, that’s a thing).  It could be a good one, depending of course on which version of each team decides to show up, or a really boring one, depending again on which version of each team shows up.

Sorry for the sort of lackluster prognosis.  I’ve been a little distracted this week by something else that defies description:

Happy Week 15, everyone.

My Top 5 Moments from Week 14

5) T.Y. Hilton snags the 42-yard pass and then gracefully snakes around two defensemen for the TD.

What can I say?  The man’s got style.

4) Andrew Luck says “Eff it, I’ll do it myself” and runs the ball 11 yards for a TD (video).

I love this kid.

3) Martavis Bryant makes it look easy on a 94-yard TD (video).

2) Cam Newton does a cartwheel into the end zone.

I can’t stand Cam Newton but this move was pretty sick.  It was immediately followed (and unfortunately overshadowed) by one of the more heated on-field fights in recent memory.

This really shouldn’t surprise anyone.  The Panthers just strike me as terrible, terrible people.

1) Jeff Fisher trolls the Redskins in an awesome way.

Just before the Rams proceeded to shut out the Skins 24-0, Jeff Fisher sent out the six players that were acquired in the Rams’ RGIII trade with Washington in 2012 for the coin toss.  I eat up snarky shit like this.

On to Week 15 we go!

Sunday Night Football, Week 14–Patriots at Chargers

I am so excited for tonight’s game!  I mean, I am excited every week for every Patriots game, but I think this is going to be a really good one.

In general (and this is not just because I’m biased!), I do think that Patriots are a better team than the Chargers.  Tom Brady is 5-0 against the Chargers with Philip Rivers at the helm.  However, the Patriots’ three losses this year have happened on the road.  The upshot there is that they’ve been in San Diego all week, having headed there directly from Green Bay following their Week 13 loss.  The lack of jet lag certainly can’t hurt.

And of course, in the last seven seasons, the Patriots have only lost three games in December.   I’ll add that Tom Brady is 45-7 in his career in December, but with the caveat that Philip Rivers is also no slouch in this department at 30-6.

Neither of these teams lacks for offensive weapons (in fact, the Pats are currently third in the league in scoring!), however, the Patriots defense ranks 23rd against the pass.  The implication here is obvious–Rivers will be looking to throw the ball.  To me, Antonio Gates is the most obvious threat–especially with the history between him and Rivers–but I have a feeling he will be more than adequately covered.  That leaves Keenan Allen (762 yards on 72 targets with 4 TDs this season), Malcom Floyd (689 yards on 39 targets with 4 TDs), and Eddie Royal (532 yards on 43 targets with 6 TDs) as other, very viable targets.  Sounds like Revis and Browner will have their hands full, but I think they and the rest of the D are up to the task.

The key to this game?
I typically think of Rivers as being pretty patient but I am fondly hoping the Pats can duplicate their Week 12 pass rushing form and really get some good pressure on him.   I’ve seen Rivers kind of lose his cool when things begin to unravel in this way and it’s highly amusing, not to mention extremely helpful to his opponents’ cause.

The Bottom Line
I think this is going to be a great game and I’m so jazzed for it.  I do think the Patriots will win but I also think it’s going to be hard-fought and close right up until the end.  I may just have to take a nap this afternoon to make sure my pregnant ass can definitely stay up for the whole thing.

LET’S GO PATS!!!

Week 14 Sunday Matchups, and What I Will Actually Be Watching

I really had hoped that Thursday night’s matchup between Dallas and Chicago wouldn’t be a total suckfest, and there were actually a few moments in the 4th quarter where it seemed like the Bears might actually make a game of it, but alas, those were short-lived.  Anyone who watched that game has to feel embarassed on behalf of the Bears’ defense.  Frankly, during most of the game I felt like I was looking out the window to see Tony Romo and his friends casually tossing the ball back and forth in the front yard on a Saturday afternoon.

Anyway, we move on.  Tomorrow is a whole new day of football, featuring the following matchups:

At 1:00–PIT @ CIN, STL @ WAS, NYG @ TEN, CAR @ NO, NYJ @ MIN, BAL @ MIA, IND @ CLE, and TB @ DET.
At 4:05–BUF @ DEN, KC @ ARI
At 4:25–SEA @ PHI, SF @ OAK
And  at 8:30, after “waitin’ all day for Sunday night,” we have NE @ SD.

Outside of the Sunday night game OBViously, there are a few others that have the potential to be good (Steelers-Bengals and Chiefs-Cards for two), and others that I have very little interest in watching (Giants-Titans? Niners-Raiders? Really??) save for the fact that they are NFL games and I am a complete slave to my desire to watch any and all games that take place during the precious short season.

Usually my preferred venue for a Sunday that is reserved for nothing but football is a sports bar, for obvious reasons, the most important of which are wings specials and 1,000 TV’s.  However, at present it happens that I am eight months pregnant and there is no way in hell I am leaving my house tomorrow.  This means that until the Pats come on at 8:30, I’ll have to settle for whatever two 1:00 games and one 4:00 game we get from our cable provider.

I just checked and apparently it’s Baltimore @ Miami and Indy @ Cleveland at 1:00, then Seattle @ Philadelphia at 4.

I can live with that, though the 1:00 games present a bit of a conundrum as to who I should pull for.  I absolutely loathe and despise the Ravens but I certainly can’t cheer on an AFC East opponent against them, so my best bet with that one is going to be to root for a tie, I suppose.  I love, love, love Andrew Luck; he is without question my 54th favorite player in the entire NFL (after the 53 guys on the Patriots’ roster, of course) and yet I suppose I should be rooting for the Browns since I would wholeheartedly welcome them finishing above the Ravens in their division.

The 4:00 game at the very least should be interesting.  Neither of these teams is a total mutt, and I actually kind of like the Seahawks; Richard Sherman in particular is always a barrel of laughs.  Plus, he reminds me of that badass sword lady from The Walking Dead.

However, my opinion on Russell Wilson (and I know I am in a serious minority here) is that he is extremely overrated as a quarterback.  I’m not saying he’s bad (that would be stupid because he’s not even close to bad), but I just think he’s missing some of the sparkle and ability to make really big, clutch plays that draw me to other QB’s in the league.  I don’t know.  Yawn.

As for the Eagles, in general I have no use for Philly sports, but watching Eagles games in the second half of this season has been oddly satisfying because it almost always involves a mention of the butt fumble and I will never stop finding that funny as long as I live.

The moral of the story is that I have no dog in the fight for any of the games I’ll be watching, which means I can sit back and just try to appreciate the athleticism and brilliant strategery that make the NFL such a wonderfully consumable product in the first place.

And after the battle of the birds has ended I will move on to the main event of my weekend: Patriots @ Chargers.  I’ll definitely be checking in again before that one kicks off with my thoughts.

Week 14 Kickoff

I first considered starting this blog in Week 1 of the preseason.  That didn’t turn out too well.  But here I am, figuring it’s better late than never.

It’s definitely been an interesting season so far, hasn’t it?  Some of the teams we thought would be good have delivered as expected (Patriots, Broncos), others have been surprisingly mediocre (Seahawks, Bengals), and still others have been shockingly bad (Falcons, Panthers…well, that whole damn division really).  One of the things I love about the NFL is how a team’s fortune can change from season to season.  Teams that totally dominated in 2013 begin to look beatable in less than 12 months’ time.

So yeah, it’s Week 14, but this thing is far from over.

Tonight we get to watch Dallas take on Chicago at Soldier Field.

I really like the Bears (and…less than like the Cowboys), but it seems to me that they are determined to suck this year, which is why I’m not sure they will be able to scrape a W, even playing at home.  Then again, it’s Tony Romo in December, and the Cowboys do love to finish 8-8, so there’s a chance they’re in the mood to hand it over tonight.

No matter what, I’ll be watching.  I do love me some Alshon Jeffery; I think the kid is just bursting with talent and potential.  Sometimes I daydream about what someone like Tom Brady or Andrew Luck could do with a pair of receivers like him and Brandon Marshall.  Jay Cutler, on the other hand, does not often enter my daydreams.

And now, Week 14, commence!  Let’s go Bears!

P.S. – I’m not sure why WordPress is saying this post was published on December 5, 2014.  That is false.  It’s the 4th.  New blog problems…